This past weekend two of my dearest friends got married - it was so sweet and joyous and full of love and I wanted to share and save some parts of it here.
Part of the wedding night carried on a tradition of Open Mic nights that Marissa and Matt have held at Marissa’s parents’ house since high school. They are surrounded by tons of musically inclined friends and this has been one of very few environments where I have sung or played guitar in front of people. It always feels safe and encouraging and fun.
One of my favorite parts of the wedding night was watching Marissa blissed out belting in the front row while people played. I kept catching Matt lovingly looking at her as she did. We huddled under tents while the rain relented through the night, but not even a mid-set power outage could dampen spirits.
I played a song and couldn’t not say a few words before I did that - so for posterity, here is my wedding toast and a practice recording of Mitski’s I Will.
I have nearly 10 years of friendship with Matt and Marissa, and even with those 10 years I count myself as one of their newer friends, and that is because as most all of you know, you’ve been here, not only have Matt and Marissa been able to grow and evolve with one another in their notoriously long relationship (20 years - for the readers), they have been building a family and a community of people around them for all of that time as well. I feel so lucky to have been folded into that arena of friendship.
Matt and Marissa have brought many priceless gifts to my life through their friendship.
I’m often cite Marissa as the friend whose relationship with her own queerness became a portal to understanding myself - seeing someone grappling with and exploring her relationship with feminism and queerness and queer culture was a huge opening to me - that fully changed my life. And both Matt and Marissa have been rare friends who I always feel just myself around no matter what I am newly understanding about myself.
In this list of gratitudes I owe to Marissa- is my entire musical taste- and I have learned over time that some of that has been directly influenced by Matt as well- I would say that Taylor Swift is probably a notable exclusion there.. but probably 10 years ago, I asked Marissa what we probably both would find to be very cringey request now, but I asked her if she would recommend some female musicians that I might like. I got an entire thumb drive. This hugely shaped my music taste as an adult - it was an access point to so many artists I had not been exposed to. Imagine if the Spotify algorithm had gotten there first.
So in the list of priceless gifts we have: fundamentally opening up my understanding self, complete acceptance and embrace of my authentic being, access to and sharing of art and music that I could see myself in and on top of all of that proof of true love.
Not all of us are so lucky to meet and make our soul mate in sixth grade- and I often tell other friends who don’t know them, or on one occasion, a table of Marissa’s colleagues, that the tenure of their love, how they have been able to grow with one another, has been a tangible, working, evolving proof that love exists and can work out. and my own parents have been together for 41 years- I’ve seen long-lasting love up close. It’s just that becoming adults with you - seeing this family that you’ve been building for decades, being able to be a part of it; has been a real proof of concept for me, love-wise.
And so, we get to the song I’m going to play. On that thumb drive of music Marissa gave me was Mitski’s first album- the song I’m gonna play is one that she conceives of as a love song to herself, as promises of self-love can be the hardest to make to oneself.
I think everyone here knows how deeply and how well Matt and Marissa are able to care for one another. We all heard and have faith in the promises you’ve made to one another today. You are almost “too big to fail.” But you know, they also say marriage is hard, and as you move into this next phase of your relationship and life, I want to offer, in gratitude for all of the priceless gifts that your friendship has brought to me and everyone here - I’m sure everyone has their own list - that this momentous thing you have built - this family around you - is committed to you too.
Or I’ll speak for myself - I cherish you both, and your love, I know you’re going to take good care of each other and I promise to take care of you, too.
❤️❤️