Feeling it all
I’m getting top surgery tomorrow. The day is here. New Spring Boy. Flowers exploding all over the place on this day. Springing forth in a new way. So cool.
Simply, its that: so cool. It is amazing to be a person. I’m feeling so much, all of it, even. I’m grateful for that and for all of my selves, all of the past versions of me and what they learned about being alive, what they have revealed to me. So electric and scary and rewarding and also mundane and maddening and humbling to experience the possibility of change.
I keep coming back to this feeling: I feel so grateful for myself, and proud of myself. Because this is about the body that I live and breath and feel and exist in, I have an agency in my embodiment and in my en-languaging. So cool that I get to feel this.
And to contextualize my self in the history and lineage of queer non-binary lesbian butch dyke trans (etc etc etc - this is expansive and could go on and on and on) people who have modeled their own embodiment, opened possibilities, and laid the path before me; to partake in the living tradition of refusal to be anything less than who I am - I am so grateful for that.
There is nothing more priceless than understanding what the value of your future could be, investing in that, on a base level. To choose to move through this life with lightness and to feel love from all around - how could I be so lucky in life?
Self-determination is an act of hope and I’m so grateful for my own - all of the vulnerable, crunchy moments in this year that felt seized in misunderstanding, intimidation and unknowing, I am grateful for my patience and intuition and trust in myself.
I am so eager for this next season, everything I have yet to learn. I am moving though it.
My gender is sentimental / reverent / new / ancient / unwieldy / excited.
xoxo